Biggalneedluv2's Blog

Today was a Good Day!

biggalneedluv2 — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 02:31:50 +0000

Today was a good day! My brisk walk to work this morning was quite chilly. It is the end of March and my hands where blocks of ice before I made it to work. Somehow I managed to control myself and only eat the necessary. The hardest part is being in the kitchen and tasting all the yummy goodness that we create daily. I fight the urges to eat pizza, cookies and all the other college friendly stuff. I stick to the more adult foods; yogurt with granola, side salad, Special K cereal and home-made split pea soup. Yes I said homemade, my mami made it, froze it in little baggies, packed it in dry ice and mailed it all the way to Georgia.
After a productive day of booking catering events, ordering food and managing people. I took a little me time and sat on the quad listen to my iTouch and writing menus. It felt good to sit Indian style, jamming to a little bit of Bob, Pac, Biggie, Wayne and Lauryn while the green grass tickled my ankles and the sun shined on me. What felt even better was getting up from a sitting position unlike before where I would have to get up on my knees and then stand up.
I headed home before the sun set and I remembers how hilly Northeast Georgia really is. Living in the mountains sucks when you have to head up hill but I made it and I must say today was a good day!

Guess Who’z Back

biggalneedluv2 — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 00:40:38 +0000

Blogging had become such a priority in my life before surgery. I couldn’t wait to write my next entry. Somewhere in between gym, work and home, I got lost. For some reason I couldn’t find my way back to Word Press to type those words that not only I missed but my readers as well. Words that revealed so much about me; emotions that I didn’t know painted vivid pictures of excited, fear, delusions, joy and so many more.

Well you know what; guess who back, back again. Yep, you read that correctly, I back. I didn’t realize that blogging made me happy, it motivated me. I found a way to encourage myself to do better. Comments and notes left me smiling, knowing that I had supports pushing me along. I always thought I was on this journey alone but in reality I had a ton of people on this journey with me. Like a horse blinded by its harness, I only saw what was in front on me.

I knew that my weight wouldn’t magically disappear; I just thought I continue to lose weight regardless of how much exercise did and how healthy I ate. Boy was I wrong, for the past three weeks; I have been stuck on 225. It’s not that bad of a thing since I haven’t gained any weight. Still I expected to lose something, wishful thinking from someone who hasn’t seen the inside of the gym since January.

I will admit I have had some issues like anyone who has lost an entire person, in terms of weight. There are days I look in the mirror and the reflection isn’t the person I know. See the person I remember was fat, sad and ugly. The person staring back is beautiful, slimmer and happy. I see things about myself that I never realized before; how prominent my mole is, the bones in my shoulders are more pronounce, how much slender my fingers are, how full my lips are. How tone my legs are, smaller my arms and how good eye-shadow looks on me. A major down side is all the excess skin around my stomach. No fear 50 more pounds to lose and tummy tuck here I come. Down payment made as a motivation and good credit to cover the rest.

I don’t remember being 225; I feel I went from 160 to 337. All the years in between are a blur. My friend Ty said she never saw the weight, I was just Jenan. I made myself believe I saw the same thing all those years but truly I was in denial.

My life style has change and I’m back. Thank you for the push!

Lookin for Help!

biggalneedluv2 — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 01:04:00 +0000

I need help! Six months ago, I weighed 337 lbs. Today I weigh 225; my goal is to lose another 50 pounds. However, I have been doing horrible at setting goals and following thru. Working out and dieting is not at the top of my list. Right now my list doesn’t really have any order. I can blame it on everything in the world; my toasty bed on cold morning, warm Otis Spunkmeyer cookies, a cold, the flu, bad knees, Girl Scout cookies or vanilla Tootsie Rolls. Truth be told, I’ve been lazy.
Life after surgery has had its up and downs and a lot of in-betweens. I’m proud that I now wear a size 12, proud to have lost 112 pounds, to have a great career and wonderful friends. However with all those great things, I’m down in the dumps about so much that the good doesn’t shine thru. I’m so lonely, I miss my family and friends, I haven’t lost any weight in the past three weeks, my drive and motivation don’t seem to be there anymore. All I do is work and sleep. My social life sucks, I feel like the walls are going back up and I just can’t knocked them down.
I’ve dreamed about being this blooming sunflower that brightens up everyone’s life yet mine remains in the dark. Life has been so confusing for me lately, my emotions are raw and so many things just don’t make sense.
Help me find my way

It’z just one of those dayz!

biggalneedluv2 — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 01:01:53 +0000

I feel like blah, no emotions what so ever. I have no energy, passion or drive. This past week has been hellish for whatever reason, I can’t explain. I haven’t felt so unattached in a while. Yesterday, marked the three month anniversary of my surgery and although I’m extremely proud of what I have accomplished. However, I don’t feel like it is enough. Size 16 jeans put a smile on my face but when I look down I still see my protruding stomach that once overwhelmed my body. Its taken time for my mind to catch up with my body and realize the changes I’m going through.
A little motivation is all I need. Playing hokey from the gym this past week has helped much. I’m looking for some motivation and I hope to find it soon.
Finally!

So Loving Myself!

biggalneedluv2 — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:28:42 +0000

The last time I wrote I was 14 dayz post op and a little unsure of my life changing decision. Today I am so loving myself! Lot’s has changed since September 3, 2009. My life is now different, temptation is still a bitch and grocery shopping is extremely overwhelming. I try to avoid putting myself in stressful situation but it’s a daily struggle. Although I’m not able to eat a large variety of foods incorporating different seasonings and spices in the things I can. I’ve slowly added whole grains, cereal, eggs, mushrooms and tuna. Breads, white grains, vegetables and meats are still hard on my tummy. Over the past 66 days since I’ve had my surgery, I did the most drastic change of all, I cut my locs after 3 years and 10 months. I celebrated the first anniversary of my 25th birthday. Do the math, I turned 26, 76 pounds lighter.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 7:00am to 8:30am you can find at the gym, working my hamstring and quads, abs and lower lumbar, triceps and biceps, hittin the treadmill but I still don’t have enough coordination for the elliptical machine. Unfortunately, my Ipod has died and the old people are trying to hold conversation, while I’m trying to catch my breath.

This dude at work challenged me to a Biggest Loser Competition, so wish me luck. I’ve been making all his favorites for lunch in the café and tempting him with Red Velvet cake that is too DIE for.

It’s time for new Chef Jackets but I’m trying to save the company money by waiting. I’m currently wearing my old XXL jackets the snaps popped open but I can actually fit into a Large. Yay for me! Size 24 jeans fall off, size 22 stop at my ankles, 20 just above my knees and 18’s snag around my butt. My collection of Apple Bottoms’, Rocawear and Baby Phat outfits are all too big. My Birkis, Forces and Mary Jane’s flop off, time for new shoes but I trying to pitch pennies.

My body has completely changed, my butt looks good, my ta-ta’s are officially gone and I can see things I forgot I had. My toes no longer look like Vienna Sausages and fingers are slimmer and appear longer.

It’s been worth the weight and I’m so loving myself.

14 dayz later!

biggalneedluv2 — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 23:06:00 +0000

Today marks 14 days since I had Gastric By-Pass surgery, a life changing decision. At no point have I felt like I had surgery until I attempt to eat something that doesn’t agree with my new pouch. My scars are minimal; it looks like I got the attack of the itchies on my belly and starched alil too much. My head is filled with rocks at times and important information doesn’t always filter, i.e. I’m stubborn. I returned to work five days after surgery and have been physically exhausted. I so tired, I can’t work a full shift without taking a nap.

I wonder if I can live off of cheese, any kind you name I love them all. Cheese seems to be my new best friend especially Muenster and Colby jack. My six week diet consists of soft foods which equal mushy beans, mashed potatoes, poached chicken, yogurt and cheese. Oh Boy! I crave all the delicious foods at work; Cajun Shrimp Pasta, Philly Cheese Steak, Hot Buttery Dinner Rolls and Rice Krispy Treats. Having my mami here with me makes the world of different and she helps fight those craves with her asopao, Google it if you don’t know what I’m talking about, Cuban black beans, habichuelas Rojas, home-made chicken soap, she cuts my cheese into small pieces, blends my protein shakes and rubs my belly when it itches.

The pain in my knees is no more, my ankles don’t swell. I find myself walking up the stairs with such ease. Trips up the hill are so much easier on my lungs. I find myself wanting to move around, I can’t sit still for too long before I start acting a fool in my kitchen, any song comes on and I remix it. Yesterday, I worked out with my Personal Trainer and at no point did I feel over worked or weak. I did 30 minutes on the Treadmill, 20 minutes of Arm and Leg weights, and 10 minutes of walking and stretching. Looking forward to tomorrow’s work out!

I want to weigh myself to see how much I’ve lost since my last doctor’s visit but I don’t want my focus to be just losing weight but getting healthy along the way.

Till the next time I weigh in!

Lucky Numbers!

biggalneedluv2 — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:59:43 +0000

September 9, 2009 is supposed to be this magical day where everything goes great because of the numbers in the date are all the same. Well my morning started out pretty good; I got to sleep in, had yogurt for breakfast and even drove to the doctor’s office. Everything was good until I got off the scale at my doctors office. I’d lost another ten pounds. No I wasn’t disappointed! The nurse ushered me into exam room number 7 and she said she would be right back. A few minutes later, she returned to remove the bandaged from my tummy. As she pulled the first on off, I felt myself getting weaker, number two my knees where giving out and number three my eyes where rolling back in my head. Couldn’t tell you about the other three bandaged because I was laid out. Surprising enough I never actually hit the floor but I was very near. The nurse and my mami held me up until I can to. Funny thing is, once I regained concession I was like “I’m back!” Scary huh! I would have paid good bucks to see my mom face.

I got in trouble with my doctor twice in a matter of minutes. I forgot to do the egg test. It totally slipped my mind and I gave him the sad puppy dog face hoping it worked. My second lashing was much worse and no matter how far I poked out my lip was he didn’t fall for it. I haven’t been drinking my protein shakes and that is very bad. He explained the consequences for my actions and made it clear that I have to drink them in order to maintain a healthy muscle mass.

I purchased a mass amount of vitamins and supplements spending the last of my pennies, but all for a good purpose. 250 bucks later and a truck full of stuff, mami drove back to the boonies. Scarier huh! I know stop talking about my mama, but I can’t. She walking around here mad because all the weight I’ve lost she’s gained. HeheHe….

After a few good naps, I’m up and full of energy. Mami, here she goes again, trying to make me eat again, good thing though because my tummy was yelling feed me. Creamy mashed potatoes with a little bit of cheese…yummy!

Been trying to figure out how to add one of those weight trackers thingy’s to my blog. Anyone out there willing to help?

*Finally*

Filling in the Blanks!

biggalneedluv2 — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 23:50:06 +0000

Post Op for two days now, I came home last night and felt horrible. I was released from the hospital at 7:00pm and finally got home at 9:30ish. Living so far away, by the time my mom and cousin got the Morphine from CVS , a few things from Publix and hit the highway, I was exhausted. We didn’t get too far before we came across a nice big accident. Never have I been so uncomfortable and miserable.
Rewind to the night before my surgery, I was watching Big Medicine on Discovery channel and for those of you who don’t know, the entire shows talks about gastric bypass surgery, the process, procedure and results. Well there was a lady on their being a big baby. For those of you who truly know, I’m the biggest baby ever. I take full advantage of when my mom and dad or aunt and cousins are around. Well this lady was being all dramatic and bitchy about having to get up and walk. This entire episode left a bad taste in my mouth and I hoped I wouldn’t be acting a fool like she was.
After being up most of the night and finally packing at about 1am. I lay down to go to sleep and the thoughts began racing. Never once did I get nervous or scared but more anxious and excited to see the results. My mom is known for walking around in circles, the morning of my surgery she did just that. The alarm rang at 5am and of course she jump out of bed, made coffee and attempted to wake me. That definitely wasn’t happening. I need that extra hour or so. Finally, I got outta bed and took a shower and yet she still wasn’t ready. We left my place, about 25 minutes after 6am and I began writing my newest chapter to this new book on my life.
Once at the hospital, I made my way to the second floor and signed in. I talked on the phone for a like 5 minutes before they called me back. I undress and put on that thin gown, I met with a few of the nurses and the anesthesiologist. At one point, I asked to weigh myself and got the surprise of my life, 298 flashed back at me in red lights. Me! 298 I haven’t been under 300 in years. I watch Brown Sugar while I waited and texted Mr. Green. It felt good to know my supporters where there. Brown Sugar was off by the time my brother, his wife and Bleu my niece called to pray. Soon I was being wheeled in the OR room and chatting with the nurses. They asked me what I did for a living and when I said I was a chef, they were all in aww about it. I remember sliding myself onto the OR table and the oxygen mask being placed on my face.
Next thing I knew I was in my hospital room wanting to walk; I wasn’t in that horrible pain that everyone describes. The pressure from a catheterization was worse than anything, I’ve ever felt before. The breathing tubes drove me insane but for the most part, I felt great. The one thing that made the entire situation terribly uncomfortable was how thirsty I was and how dry my lips where. Ice chips became my best friend. Finally at about 6pm, they let me walk and move about. I had a couple of visitors and before I knew everyone was gone and it was time for me to go nite nite. Not before my night nurse and pca came to visit. Let me tell you about homeboy, with his collar up, shirt un-tucked and way too much Axe. Damn he made me mad; every time he came in my room my blood pressure would hit the sky. Any ways the IV machine beeped most of the night so I was up with it. I caught up on all the TV shows that I normally miss. By 6am I was ready to get outta of bed and was looking forward to another.
I’ll continue to update you on a regular!

*Finally*

Last Day of My Old Life, On to a New One

biggalneedluv2 — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 02:42:05 +0000

In less than 12 hours, I will be closing the last chapter of my life and starting on a new book. One filled with vivid pictures, exciting stories and new memories. Each chapter I write will prove that with a little dedication, lots of willpower and a captive audience, any dream is possible. For so many years, I dreamt of life without the excess weight that I’ve carried around, holding me back from traveling the world, riding roller coasters, cross my legs and hiking the Appalachian foothills in Georgia.
I’m not scared nor nervous but anxious and excited. I have proven to myself that I can accomplish even the most difficult of task if I set my mind to it. I vowed not to be a failure. I never imagined that I would have made it this far, let alone actually going thru with the surgery. Now that my mind is filled with a ton of emotions and thoughts are racing. I’m not scared of the surgery but of the aftermath. I don’t know how to be skinny, not that I want to be. My goal has always been to be healthy plus the “brothers like meat on their bones,” according to the Milk Man who was trying to get my cookies.
I don’t think I’ll be about to sleep tonight, I have yet to pack my overnight bag among the other 952 things I have to get done before 6am. I just found out that there is Wi-Fi at the hospital, so I’ll be blogging and IM as soon as possible. To my Facebook family, I’ll see you in the am.
I leave you with Shakira’s words from Latina Magazine, “Why should it be okay when it can be good? Why should it be good when it can be great? Why should it be great when it can be amazing?”

27lbs Lighter!

biggalneedluv2 — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 01:59:20 +0000

Thirteen weeks ago, I was a 25 year old woman content with the person I had become. I was anti-social, shy, and insecure and I weighed 328 pounds. I’d made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery but I was embarrassed and ashamed. My best friend encouraged me to share my story and start a blog. A little un-easy about doing so, I gave it a try, posted my letter of understand that I wrote to my surgeon. To my surprise, the response was all positive and encouraging. Soon blogging became my therapy and a way to express everything that I had hidden so long.
Well today I’m proud to say that since June 3, 2009, I’ve lost 27 pounds. I started my journey to becoming a new me; I didn’t think I’d have the willpower to be where I am today. Today, I’m surprise I have the willpower to continue on. I see myself and I’m proud of me, I did this with the support of my family, friends and blog readers. Tomorrow starts my countdown to surgery. Seven to go!
People ask me why I’m still having the surgery, if I’ve proven that with dieting, exercise and a mentally change weight loss is possible. I still don’t have an answer and probably never will. As far as I know, my next step is the best choice.
Finally!
*Seven Days to Go*